as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
