so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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