I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize