yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
