Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
