Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize