Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
