I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
