I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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