How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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