At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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