considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
