I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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