I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
is wine microwaveable?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
