dude i'm inner monologue high
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
