i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
