I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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