i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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