I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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