Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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