i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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