Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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