I could make wine with my vomit
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
