so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize