So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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