My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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