Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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