dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
