We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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