...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
