Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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