Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
