i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
