I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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