i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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