I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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