I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
