Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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