is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
