They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
How naked do you want me to be?
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