Who did Billy Mays play for?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
