If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
