Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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