Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
