I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
