I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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