at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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