John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm at about main and main street
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize