You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
