hotel room ftw
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
