We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
