he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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