am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
