i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
