i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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