Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
