Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
