I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
