Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
