im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she peed on how many people?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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