I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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