So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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