it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It was confusing and full of hummus
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
