it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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