my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
