Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
50% drunk capacity currently
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
