I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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