she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
