I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
