My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
