i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
