It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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