No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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