he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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