he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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