and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
