After last night, I could never be a politician.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
