And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
