Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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