Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
