so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
