We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
