My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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