So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
