Pappa wants mamma naked
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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