my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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