I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
