I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
