theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Houston, we have a blender
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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