I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
