I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize